2- CULTURAL AND MENTAL COMPATABILITY
Cultural and mental understanding and homogeneity has a basic role in the joint life of a couple. The architects of this center should be ale to understand each other and their mysteries and intents, for the sake of bringing into effect a dynamic, fruitful and felicitous life. Moreover, they should take joint and harmonious decisions in most problems and practice upon their bases, be mutual helpers in the ups and downs of life, and train their children on the basis of a harmoniously designed programme.
Imam Jafar Sadiq (a.s) said:
العارفة لاتوضع إلا عندالعارف
"An intelligent and wise someone must not be placed except beside a sage and wise man."
We have observed the harms and damage caused by the mental and cultural lack of co-ordination between the spouses.
Of course, a 100% understanding and concurrence is still not possible, yet one must endeavour to get as near to it as possible and diminish the distance.
3- MORAL COMPATABILITY
Moral homogeneity and harmony is of the most important cases of equity between a husband and wife. It is possible that the wife an husband are equal and compatible from a religious aspect, but not from moral aspect.
ATTEND TO THIS SPECIMEN
Zaid Bin Haresa, the adopted son brought up by the Prophet (a.s), married Zainab, the cousin of the Prophet (a.s) The husband and wife held a lofty place from a religious point of view. but the did not have and understanding from a moral aspect and so conventionally speaking, their moralities were not harmonious. They had severe difference and disputes. The Prophet (a.s) admonished them and suggested to them many times to build up mutual understanding and compatibility. But this young couple did not have the endurance and energy to put up with each other. Finally, Allah mediated and separated them through divorce.
There is no doubt that these two, husband and wife were decent and nice people. as far as the decency of Zaid is concerned, it is sufficient that the Prophet (a.s) adopted him and had a great love for him and sometimes called him by the name of 'dear and beloved Zaid.' With regard to the decency of Zainab, it is sufficient to say that Allah Himself had her married to His prophet (after being divorced by Zaid).
و إدتقول للذي أنعم الله عليه و انعمت عليه أمسك عليك زوجك واتق الله
و تخفي في نفسك ما الله مبديه و تخشي الناس و الله أحق أن تخشاه فلما
قضي زيد منها وطرا زوجناكها
"And when you said to the one to whom Allah had shown
favour and to whom you had shown a favour keep your wife to yourself and be careful to (your duty to) Allah... But when Zaid had given up her, we gave her to you as a wife." (Sural of Ahzab, verse 37.)
We observed the moral disagreement of Ismail and Safoora too.
As a result, we must not think that the religiousness of the husband and wife is sufficient for establishing a successful (marital) life; other aspects must also be taken into consideration.
4- EDUCATIONAL COMPATABILITY
It is better that a husband and wife should not have much distance and difference from and educational and informational point of view, so that they have more understanding in their lives.
Of course, this quality must be considered along with other qualities and peculiarities. That is, if, for instance the woman is proud and shallow, her educational qualification should not be higher than that of her husband, since this would certainly bring about ample difficulties in their lives. But if she is humble, there is less chance and probability of this difficulty. As to the husband , this problem exists in the same shape with a little difference.
A LESSON-GIVING SPECIMEN FROM THE "MIRROR OF LESSON"
These days when I am busy teaching and writing this book, a TV program named 'Falling Leaf' is being broadcast from the serial 'Mirror of Lesson'. Although I do not wish to support the whole of this serial, there is an attractive point in it, which is appropriate to this part of our discussion. That is, afsana's higher level of education compared to Ali. WE see how Afsana belittles her husband Ali who has less education than her. And what painful difficulties have come into existence in their life. The higher education of Afsana does not have any good or benefit for their joint life, rather, it is a means of harm. Had Ali married and equally educated girl and Afsana married a boy of her own lever, most of their agonies and disputed would not have taken shape.
5- PHYSICAL COMPATABILITY
Balance and proportionality of the physique and sex has a great importance in the life of spouses. Sexual problems are one of the real and fundamental organs and pillars of marital life. Mutual sexual saturation and satisfaction of the husband and the wife has a deep and profound effect upon their lives, just as dissatifaction and lack of saturation has destructive and dangerous effect upon the total sum of marital life. If they satisfy and please each other from this aspect, they would be thankful to each other and put their duties and responsibilities into practice and tolerate the odds of life. But if they are displeased in this regard, they may hate each other and be disappointed and inter in respect of the performance of the responsibilities of life. This is a major point, which is regrettable belittled and overlooked in most of cases, or it is passed by shamefully and shyly, and consequently causes terrible shocks.
If one of the two spouses is sexually and physically strong, having a fervent and fiery passion and the other one is weak and frigid, most of the matters of their life become upset and unbalanced. There is also a strong probability of corruption and deviation. This lack of balance and proportionality incurs heavy damages and shocks their nerves and spirit. If we wish to explain and illustrate it with more explicitness, it would prolong the book, whereas we have based it upon briefness. But it must be considered explicity at its own place.
True, we must not describe such sexual problems in a naked shape, heedless to modesty, as is customary in some of the non-Islamic societies, but these must be discussed modesty. Did the prophet of Islam (a.s) and other leader of Islam not describe these problems ina clear-cut and detailed way to teach the people? Can the youth and spouses be overlooked, not given information, defenseless in the wake of this important matter and essential need"? Just as we have a specialist for each and every organ of our body, with referral points and places for all the partial or total matters and problems of the society, why should there not exist centres and specialists for such affairs of life, family and physical, sexual and spiritual difficulties of the youth and spouses? is the importance of this problem even less than a tooth for which we have all these specialists, dentists, and well-equipped laboratories?
We have seen a number of examples, which by studying their difficulties and profound and chronic differences of marital life, we reach one sensitive point and that is, sexual displeasure and dissatisfaction! Then it is observed that the real and actual cause of all the discomforts is this very point. But they feel shame in expressing it vividly and openly. And in some cases they do not even know themselves what is harming them. When we observe that married men and women commit sexual corruption, and develop illicit and illegal relations with strangers and e detect the roots of this affair, in most cases (though not all), we discover that the reason for these was sexual dissatifaction and non-fulfilment.
One of the main reasons for the deviation of Zuleikha and her inclination towards Yousef (Joseph) (a.s), was the sexual inability of her husband.
There exist a large number of variant cases, which I have personally observed that I have avoided and overlooked due to various reservations.
Anyhow, the physical sexual equivalence and equity of the boy and the girl must definitely be taken into consideration while selecting spouses. One of the two should not be strongly built, hot and fervent and the other a weak, withered, and frigid one. Instead they must be physically and sexually balanced counterparts, so that they are able to satisfy and saturate each other.
Moreover, it is necessary for the spouse to acquire the required information in these matters, to get information from those who are informed and seek help and advice if confronted with a difficulty.
ATTENTION
Nervous and psychological ailments are amongst the basic causes of sexual weaknesses. The trace of these ailments are definitely present in all the modes of sexual weakness and inability, such as hasty and immature discharge, imperfect sexual intercourse and the inability of satisfying the spouse.
These diseases must be treated by expert psychologists and psychiatrists. This topic is quite vast and has broad spectrum and needs detailed discussion so at present we will not enter into it.
