WHY ISLAM HAS NOT PROHIBITED DIVORCE
Here a few other questions arise. If divorce is so loathsome and so disliked by Allah, why has it not been totally prohibited by Islam? Islam could at least lay down certain conditions for its validity. In that case anybody who wanted to divorce his wife, would have been judicially bound to justify his intended action before a court of law.
The second question is: What does the sentence, "Out of all permissible things, divorce is most detestable to Allah" mean? If it is permissible, it cannot be detestable and, if it is detestable, it cannot be permissible. These are two contradictory terms.
Lastly, has the judiciary, which represents the society, the right to intervene in the matter of divorce to the extent of withholding its implementation till either the husband takes back his decision or it becomes clear that no reconciliation is possible, and hence there is no alternative but to sever the conjugal bond?
DIVORCE (III)
We have said that, from the Islamic point of view, divorce is absolutely detestable. Islam wants the marriage-union to be strong and lasting. At that stage we raised the question that if divorce is so detestable, why has Islam not banned it? Has not Islam prohibited every detestable act like taking wine, gambling, cruelty etc? If the reply is in the affirmative then why has it not totally prohibited divorce by law? It is basically illogical to say that divorce is permissible, but at the same time detestable. If it is permissible, how can it be detestable? If it is detestable, why should it be permissible? Islam, on the one hand, frowns at the man who divorces his wife and, on the other puts no legal obstacle in his way; why?
It is a very pertinent question, and is the key to all the secrets of the problem of divorce. In fact, marriage is a natural and not a contractual relationship. Nature has laid down special rules for it. Other social contracts like sale, hire, mortgage, peace, attorneyship etc. are mere social agreements. Nature and instinct have nothing to do with them. There exists no natural law in respect of them. In contrast, a marriage contract has a special mechanism. It is to be organised on the natural desire of the two parties.
Hence, it is not surprising that a marriage contract has special rules which are different from those of all other contracts.
NATURAL LAWS IN RESPECT OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE
In a civil society the only natural law is the law of liberty and equality, on the basis of which all social rules should be framed. But in respect of a conjugal contract, besides the general principles of liberty and equality, nature has prescribed certain other laws also, which must be adhered to in the case of marriage, dower, maintenance and the last stage of the process, that is divorce. It is of no use to bypass nature. As Alexis Carrel has pointed out, the biological and other laws of life are as hard, ruthless and irresistible as the astronomical laws.
Marriage means attachment and union, and divorce means separation.
Nature has designed the law of marriage in such a way that man acts with a view to appropriate woman, and woman withdraws with a view to fascinate and mislead man. Man wants to take possession of the body of woman and woman wants to captivate the heart of man. The foundation of marriage is laid on love, union and fellow-feeling, and not on mere co-operation and companionship. In the family structure, the fair sex occupies the central position, and her opposite sex the peripheral one. From all this it automatically follows that nature must have had special rules for the dissolution of family life also.
We have quoted earlier an intellectual as saying that mateseeking means an attack on the part of man for the purpose of appropriation and a withdrawal on the part of woman for the purpose of enchantment and deception. Man being instinctively a hunting animal, his action is offensive and for him woman is a trophy which he must win. Mate-seeking is a battle and a struggle and marriage is appropriation and domination.
A contract which is based on love and the feeling of oneness is not enforceable by compulsion. The law can compel two people to respect their contract on the basis of equality, and to co-operate with each other, but it cannot force them to love each other, to be sincere to each other, to make sacrifices for the sake of each other and to share each other's happiness.
If we want to maintain such a relationship between two people we have to adopt some measures other than legal.
According to the natural mechanism of marriage, on which Islamic laws are based, a wife occupies the position of a person deserving love and respect in the family order. If, for some reason, she loses that position and is deprived of the love and attention of her husband, the base of the family structure falls off and the natural order is deranged. Islam looks at such a situation with regret, but it cannot assume marriage to be alive and constant even after the disintegration of its natural basis.
Islam has taken special steps to ensure that the family life retains its natural form, which means that the wife should be loved and sought after, and the husband should feel attached to her and be ready to serve her.
Islam has urged woman to beautify herself to please her husband, to give a display of her accomplishments for his sake, to satiate his natural desires and not to annoy him by disobedience. It has also exhorted man to love his wife, to show kindness and attachment to her, and not to conceal from her his love for her. These steps have been taken to make the sexual enjoyment limited to the domestic atmosphere, and to keep the wider society a field of work and activities other than sexual. Islam wants that extra-marital contacts between man and woman should be pure and unpolluted. All these steps have been taken with a view to keeping the family organisation free from the danger of dissolution and disintegration.
NATURAL POSITION OF MAN IN THE DOMESTIC LIFE
From the Islamic point of view, it is extremely insulting to a woman that the law should force her to live with a husband who does not like her. The law can force a woman to live with a particular man, but it cannot secure for her the position of a beloved and central figure in the household, which she should have. The law can force a man to support his wife, but it cannot force him to be a devoted husband.
Hence, when man's love and attachment cools down the marriage becomes ineffective from the natural point of view.
Here another question arises. If the wife's love cools down, will the domestic life be affected? Will it continue as it is or will it come to an end? If it will remain intact, then how is it that the lack of love, on the part of the husband, terminates the domestic life and on the part of the wife it does not?
Is there any difference between man and woman? If the lack of love on the part of the wife also terminates the domestic life, then naturally women should also have the right of divorce like men.
In fact, the success of the domestic life depends on the mutual attachment of both the husband and the wife. But as we mentioned earlier, there is a difference between the mentality of man and that of woman. We have already quoted the views of the scientists on this point. Nature has so arranged that woman's true and lasting love comes up only as a reaction of man's attachment to her. Hence, woman's attachment to man is the result of man's attachment to her. Nature has placed the key of their mutual love within the control of man. If man loves woman and is faithful to her, woman also loves him and remains faithful to him. Woman's faithlessness is definitely a reaction of man's faithlessness.
Nature has put the dissolution of marriage in the hands of man. It is man's apathy and faithlessness that cools down woman's love. On the other hand, woman's indifference and apathy does not affect man. Hence man's indifference to woman unlike the latter's indifference to him leads to woman's in-difference. Man's frigidity is the end of conjugal life, but woman's is not so. If man is sensible and faithful, he can always regain his wife's love by showing affection and kindness to her. It is not insulting to him to compel his annoyed sweetheart by force of law, to continue to live with him, and to pacify her gradually. But it is unbearable for a wife to resort to the force of law to retain her protector and the object of her love.
Of course, this is the case when woman's indifference is not due to the immorality or cruelty of man. If man shows cruelty, the case is different. He cannot be allowed to misuse his position and to harass or ill-treat his wife. We shall discuss this point separately.
Anyway man is in need of the body of woman and woman is in need of the heart of man. That is the difference between the two. Marriage is unbearable for woman if she does not enjoy her husband's genuine protection and sincere love.
VIEWS OF A LADY PSYCHOLOGIST
Recently an article has been published by a French lady psychologist, Beatrice Maryo, who holds a doctorate in psycho-logy and works as a psychiatrist in a hospital of Paris. She herself is a mother of three children.
In this article she has explained very well how a pregnant or a nursing woman needs the kindness and affection of her husband.
She says: "From the time a woman feels that she is going to be a mother soon, she begins to search her body. She repeatedly looks at it and smells it, especially if she is expecting her first child. She feels so inquisitive as if she were a stranger to herself and wants to discover herself for the first time. When she feels the first movements of her tiny little child in her womb, she begins to listen attentively to every sound of her body. The presence of another being in her body makes her so happy that she feels inclined to seclusion and retirement. She wants to be alone with her tiny little child, who has not yet come into this world
"Men, during the period of the pregnancy of their wives, have important duties to perform, but very regretfully they often shirk their responsibility. The future mother is in need of the feeling that her husband understands her, likes her, and protects her. Otherwise, when she finds that her belly has swollen up; her attractiveness has gone, the morning sickness has commenced, and she is afraid of childbirth pains, she would blame her husband, who had impregnated her, for all her troubles and discomforts. It is the duty of the husband to keep himself, more than ever, at the side of his wife during the months of her pregnancy. The whole family requires a kind and considerate father to whom the wife and the children may talk of their problems, their griefs and their joys. Even if their talk be meaningless or boring, it is still important."
"A pregnant woman very much wants others to talk to her of her child. A woman takes all the pride in becoming a mother. But when she finds that her husband is indifferent to the child, her sense of pride turns into a sense of contempt. She becomes sick of motherhood and pregnancy, and it becomes a sort of mortification to her. It is known that such women suffer a great deal on account of child-birth pangs The relation between mother and child is not a bilateral one. It is a trilateral relation: mother, child, and father. Even if the father is not present (as in the case of divorce), he has an important role in the internal life of the mother, that is in her thoughts and imagination, as well as in her sense of motherhood .
This is what a lady intellectual, who is both a psychologist and a mother, has said.
A STRUCTURE BUILT ON THE BASIS OF SENTIMENTS
A woman depends so much on the sincerity, kindness and protection of her husband that without his earnest co-operation even a child has little sense for her. She can endure the hardships of life only with his help. In such circumstances, how can it be possible to compel her, by the force of law, to remain attached to a man who is not willing to accept her?
Is it not ironical that, on the one hand, we create an atmosphere in which men pay little attention to their wives and sow their wild oats elsewhere and, on the other, we try to thrust their wives on them by the force of law? As a matter of policy, Islam wants that man himself should seek a woman and should like her. It does not want to thrust a woman on him.
As a general rule, where there is a question of love, devotion and sincerity, there can be no question of legal compulsion. If a husband dislikes his wife, it may be a matter of regret, but no force can be used to make him like her.
Let us give an example. As we know, in the congregational prayers there is a condition that the leader of the prayers can be only that person who is pious and in whose piety the followers have faith. In this case, the relationship between the leader and the followers is based on the piety of the former, and the faith and devotion of the latter. If the body of the followers loses faith in a particular leader, whether rightly or wrongly, this relationship is severed. The law cannot guarantee its continuity. As it is a matter of feelings and sentiments, nobody can be compelled legally to have faith in a particular person. Even if a leader of the prayers possesses the highest degree of piety and virtue, he cannot compel others to offer prayers behind him. It will be highly ridiculous to file a suit in a court of law in this respect. It is even derogatory to the position of the leader of the congregational prayers to try to force people to offer prayers behind him.
The same is the case with the relationship between the voters and the candidate for election. The people will vote for a candidate in whom they have confidence. If they do not elect a particular candidate, howsoever fit and suitable he may be, he cannot sue them.
The only thing which should be done in such cases is to train the people on the correct lines and to raise their intellectual level, so that when they perform their religious duty, they may find out the really righteous people to follow and, when they perform their social duty, they may select the really deserving people to vote for. If, by chance, the people change their opinion subsequently without any rhyme or reason, that can only be a matter of regret, but there can he no question of compulsion or legal action in the matter.
The domestic duty is exactly like the above-mentioned religious and social duties. Islam regards the family as a natural society, for the smooth running of which it has prescribed a particular procedure to be followed strictly.
It is the greatest achievement of Islam that it has prescribed this procedure, for the West has not so far been able to solve its family problems. Not only that, but problems are multiplying and new problems are being added daily to the old ones. Fortunately, as the result of scientific investigations, the position is gradually becoming clear. We are fully convinced that the Western world will gradually accept the Islamic principles and precepts regarding the family laws. Anyhow, we do not believe that the real Islamic teachings are identical with what is being practised today as such.
WHAT CONSOLIDATES THE FAMILY STRUCTURE IS MORE THAN EQUALITY
The present day Western world is enamoured of 'equality', not knowing that the question of relationship between man and woman was solved by Islam 14 centuries ago. As far as the family system is concerned, there exists something higher than equality. For civil society nature has laid down only the law of equality, but for the domestic society it has laid down other laws also. Family relations cannot be organised on the basis of equality alone. All other laws of nature, which govern these relations, should be recognised and adhered to.
EQUALITY IN CORRUPTION
Unfortunately the word 'equality' has been used so much and so often that its true sense has been blurred. It seldom occurs to anyone that equality means equality in rights. The principle of equality cannot be applied everywhere indiscriminately. It will be most ridiculous to say that everything has become all right, because in the past only men told lies to their wives and now women also tell lies to their husbands. Can we rejoice and proclaim that equality has been established, because in the past only 10% of the marriages ended in divorce and separation, and now, in certain parts of the world, 40% of the marriages end in divorce, and in 50% of the cases, it is the women who initiate the divorce action? In the past it was men who betrayed their wives and indulged in adultery, and women were mostly faithful to their husbands, but today women also betray their husbands and no longer observe chastity. Is this any improvement? Can this be called equality? In the past men often showed cruelty and callousness to their wives. They abandoned their wives and children and ran after mistresses. Now even mothers of several children, after having been married a long time ago, leave their homes to satisfy their lust, following a brief introduction to a stranger at a dance party. Does this mean the establishment of equality?
That is how, instead of seeking the cure of the social ills and consolidating the family life, we are weakening the domestic system and shaking its foundations. Into the bargain, we are happy that we are advancing on the path of equality. If this situation continues, woman will soon surpass man in corruption, perversion and callousness.
Now it is clear why Islam, though it considers divorce most detestable, has placed no legal bar on it. It is also clear how a thing which is permissible can, at the same time, be detestable and loathsome.
DIVORCE (IV)
It is evident from the discussion so far made that Islam is opposed to divorce and the dissolution of family life. It has taken every moral and social step to save it from the danger of dissolution, but it has not resorted to compulsion and has not used the force of law. It is opposed to the use of legal force for preventing man from divorcing his wife and to constrain woman to continue to live with her husband. Islam considers such steps to be unsuited to the position of woman in the family, for sentiments and emotions are the cornerstone of family life.
It is woman who receives the warmth of the tender feelings of her husband and passes them on to her children. If the husband loses interest in his wife, the domestic atmosphere becomes cold and dingy. Even woman's motherly feelings towards her children largely depend upon her husband's attitude to her. According to an eminent psychologist, motherly affection is not an instinct in the sense that it is not subject to increase or decrease. The love and consideration which a man shows to his wife has a considerable impact on her motherly feelings.
In short, woman is to be inspired by man's sentiments and tender feelings to be able to extend her feelings to her children.
Man can be compared to a mountain, woman to a spring and children to plants. The spring must receive rain from the mountain and absorb it to be able to put it out in the form of pure life-giving water for the irrigation of flowers and plants. If rain does not fall on the mountain or it is not absorbed by the earth the spring will become dry and the plants will wither.
Just as rain is vital for the fertility of the soil, and for the thriving of vegetable life, the sentiments and feelings of man towards his wife are vital to the prosperity and happy life of the children as well as for their mother.
When the feelings and sentiments of the husband are so important for the success of family life, how can the force of law be used as a weapon against him?
Islam is strongly opposed to the ignoble action of those who divorce their old wives to have new ones. But, in the opinion of Islam, it is no remedy to force an unchivalrous man to keep his wife against his will. Such an action is not in keeping with the natural law of family life.
If the woman tries to return to the house of her husband by force of law and with the help of the executive authority, her occupation of the house will be tantamount to a military occupation. In such a case she cannot become the lady of the household, nor can she become the sentimental link between her husband and her children. She also cannot satisfy her own emotional need for love and attention.
Islam has taken steps to eliminate cases of divorce, but, as a law-giver, it does not like to force the woman, who is the centre of the family system, to live with an unchivalrous man who does not want her.
The action taken by Islam is just the opposite of what the West has done and is doing. Islam fights against the factors which lead to faithlessness and licentiousness, but it is not willing to force woman to live with a faithless husband. In contrast, the West encourages the factors leading to faithlessness and, at the same time, wants to force the woman to continue to live with a faithless and licentious husband.
Islam has utilised all its efforts to keep alive the spirit of humanity and chivalry, and though it does not force an unchivalrous man to keep his wife, it has succeeded practically in reducing the cases of unchivalrous divorce to a considerable extent. Others do not pay attention to these points and seek happiness by force and at the point of a bayonet and they have seldom succeeded.
Apart from the cases of divorce, which take place in the West on the demand of women because of incompatibility and, as described by Newsweek, love of pleasure, the number of cases, which have occurred there and are occurring there and are occurring because of the licentiousness of men, is far higher than the number of similar cases in the East.
