Attaining prosperity or ruin is the result of one\'s acts, morals and beliefs. Good morals, righteous beliefs and good deeds will result in prosperity, while wrong belief, bad character and wicked deeds will result in one\'s life getting ruined. Prosperity implies happiness in this world and the Hereafter, while getting ruined implies a disastrous life here and loss in the Hereafter. The result of prosperity is God\'s Pleasure and Eternal Residence in Heaven, while the result of getting ruined is God\'s animosity and eternal torture. The Muslim families should remember these facts. A couple should try to gain what causes prosperity and avoid what causes their ruin by helping each other when they marry. Thus, they will have a healthy home environment for their children.
Profiting from faith, good deeds and good morality, the family should establish the basis of attaining God\'s Pleasure and an entrance ticket to God\'s Heaven. The subjects of prosperity and getting ruined, and the underlying causes have been extensively discussed in the Quran and Prophetic traditions. All people have been warned not to deprive themselves of their prosperity and ruin their lives. The families need to consider morality and watch out for bad deeds to gain prosperity. We shall leave the subjects of faith and actions to more detailed books.
Most families, especially the Iranian ones have faith in God and the Hereafter, Prophethood and Leadership of the Immaculate Imams, and perform their obligatory deeds such as prayer, fasting, pilgrimage, and charity. They also avoid what has been forbidden, such as having forbidden foods or drinks, and committing immoral lustful acts, etc. Most problems that the families have to be more concerned with are abiding by moral issues, and avoiding wicked desires. We shall suffice to describe just two issues here.
Justice
Justice implies being just, serving others, wanting for others what we want for ourselves, and not wanting for others what we do not wish for ourselves. This issue must be considered by both the husband, the wife and the children in regards to each other. Based on Islam, each person is bound to be just to others, and consider the rights of the people in all cases. Imam Sadiq has narrated the Prophet (Pbuh) as saying:
The most just person is one who wants for others what he wants for himself, and dislikes for others what he dislikes for himself. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.25].
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Whoever aids the poor, and is just to others is a true believer. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.25-28].
The Prophet (Pbuh) told the Commander of the Faithful that three things constitute faith:
Charity in times of poverty, being just to others, and bestowing knowledge to whoever needs it. [Ibid].
A man asked the Prophet:
Please teach me something to ease attaining Heaven for me.
The Prophet (Pbuh) replied:
Do not get angry, do not beg, and want for others whatever you want for yourself. [Ibid].
The Commander of the Faithful said:
Beware that God will increase the grandeur and majesty of those who are just to people. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.33].
How sweet will be the life of a family whose members are all concerned about each other and are just to one another. They do not wish for others what they do not like for themselves in all that they do. It should not be the case that the husband and the children do all the resting, and the wife does all the work, or the parents work hard, but the kids eat, drink and expect more. They should all be just to each other, and help in all the affairs of the house. This way they will become prosperous, and not get ruined.
Being Kind
It is important in Islam for the members of the family to be kind to each other, and treat each other with passion. This is a form of worship which is highly rewarding. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Being kind to each other is good and blessed while non-compliance and improper deeds are wicked. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.51-2]
He also said:
Should I inform you about people who will be safe from the fire of Hell?
They answered yes. He said:
Whoever takes it easy in life, and is kind and complaisant in one\'s life. [Ibid]
Moses told God:
What is the reward of one who does not bother others, and treats everybody kindly?
God said:
O\' Moses, The Fire of Hell shall tell him/her that you cannot enter. [Ibid]
The Prophet (Pbuh) was asked:
What is the best thing for one.
He replied:
If all Muslims are safe from one\'s tongue and hands. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.53-54]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
No deed is better than faith, and kindness to others in the sight of God and his Prophet, and no deed is worse than atheism and treating others harshly. [Ibid]
Advice
Giving advice and wishing the best for people has a reward in this world and the Hereafter. Accepting advice is a cause of enlightenment of the heart, and awareness, too. Everyone should advise others as much as he/she can and wish them the best. The listener should take the advice and use it, too. One must not be too shy to advise, and not too haughty to accept advice. The Prophet (Pbuh) has considered shyness to be silly and haughtiness to be a satanic trait which prevent us from accepting advice. The head of the household should give advice to his wife and children every once in a while. He should remind them of their duties. Sometimes the wife should advise her husband, and at times the children should advise their parents. Each one is required to put haughtiness aside and accept the advice given. Imam Sadiq said:
Whoever notes that his brother is facing a loss- and can help him out but does not do so by warning him- has been disloyal to his friend. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.65]
Politeness
Being polite implies being respectful, talking properly, being a gentleman and respecting others. A husband, a wife, and the children should all be polite to each other. Being polite is a human value which is a source of one\'s respect; it improves one’s social status; increases the number of our friends. In addition, it causes one to obtain God’s Mercy and it is also a form of worship. The Commander of the Faithful said:
There is nothing better than politeness. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.67]
In some wise words he said:
As a sign of being polite, it is enough to dislike for others what you dislike for yourself. [Ibid]
In other saying he said:
The good thing about being polite is that it is like being a gentleman.
Protection of the Family from Accusations
As viewed by Islam, all the members of the family should behave and associate with others in such a way that the family does not get accused. Any accusation may destroy the foundations of the family, and make it hard to live. One may feel that it is proper to meet someone, but others may think different and misjudge. This may be gradually misinterpreted, and then the people will think different about one and his/her honor will be endangered in the society. Then the family will be harmed. One may then try to engage in a business deal, or a social affair like getting a wife for his son, or marrying off his daughter, and this undue accusation may hinder him. Imam Sadiq said:
My father admonished me by saying the following: O\' my son. Anyone who associates with bad people will not remain healthy. Whoever engages in a bad affair, will be accused and whoever does not watch what he says will be sorry. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.90].
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Those who associate with the accused will be the most proper candidates for accusation. [Ibid].
The Commander of the Faithful said:
Whoever gets in a situation whereby he/she may be accused, should not blame those who make accusations against him/her.[Ibid]
Imam Sadiq has been narrated as saying the following:
Avoid going to places where you may get accused. And do not stand in public places with your mother, since not all people know that the person you are with is your mother.[Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.91].
Indeed someone who does not know, or is ignorant spreads the word around that you are flirting with a strange woman. He may warn people against associating with you to protect the honor of his family. The man of the house, the woman and the children should seriously avoid going to places where they may get accused. This may harm the honor of the family, and Islam is really strict in this regard.
Honoring One\'s Oath
Religiously speaking it is obligatory to honor one\'s oath. The wedding contract between a couple is a divine contract to which both the husband and wife must remain loyal. This is an oath between the husband and wife, and to each other\'s families. Any kind of oath that the parents give to their children, is to be honored, too. The Quran states:
And fulfill (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be inquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).[Holy Quran: Bani Isra\'il: 17:34]
Honoring one\'s oath is a sure sign of a believer.
Those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants;[Holy Quran: Mu-minun: 23:8]
Imam Sajjad has considered all religious decrees to be summarized in the following three things: Righteous words, acting justly, and honoring one\'s oath. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.92].
Imam Sadiq said:
No one\'s excuse shall be accepted in this world and the Hereafter regarding the following issues: Safeguarding what one has been entrusted with, whether it is from a good person or a bad one; honoring one\'s oath to a believer or a corrupt person; and treating one\'s parents; kindly whether they are good or bad. [Ibid].
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
One who does not respect his own oath and does not do what he has promised to do is irreligious.
Imam Reza said:
We are members of a Household who consider our oath as a debt just as the Prophet (Pbuh) said. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.97]
Consultation
A house should not be ruled by one who imposes whatever he/she wishes upon the family. There are many benefits in consultation, and the husband and wife will benefit if they consult with their elders who are more experienced, or consult with their grown-up children. Insist on consultation and respect the views of others. Do not think that you are the know it all. Allow everyone to participate in consultations, as this will help you a lot, and may at times help you out of disasters. The Quran has placed especial emphasis on consultation in verse 159 of Al-i-Imran, and verses 36-38 of Shura. Thus, consulting with others is a way of following the Quran, a way to solve one\'s problems and a guard against dangers. Imam Sadiq has said:
Consult with those who fear God about your life affairs. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.98].
He also said:
Three things are burdensome: Overestimating your deeds, forgetting your sins, and being stubborn.[Ibid]
The Commander of the Faithful said:
Whoever is self-centered will be endangered [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.98-99].
One who is being consulted with should be considerate and provide the best possible guidance. Giving wrong advice on purpose is considered to be a great sin. Imam Ali said: I hate whoever is not sincere when he/she is being consulted by the Muslims.[Ibid].
Humbleness
Humbleness- which is the sweet by-product of self-recognition and an individual’s mysticism- is an Islamic, humans and moral state. A person who considers himself to be a servant of God, and recognizes that God is the source of all the blessings he has; considers others to be superior to him, considers the people to be God\'s servants and knows that he is nothing in this vast universe, is deeply involved in humbleness.
A man who considers his wife to be God\'s servant, and considers God to be the owner of his children, considers himself to be their servants. He who considers his wife and children to be what God has entrusted him with will be humble towards them. When a woman is not haughty, does not overestimate her family’s status when she faces her husband, and does not overestimate her knowledge or degree, will then be humble towards her husband and children. Also, wise children are humble towards their parents. Humbleness will result in nobility and honor, and will maintain a home sweet. It will bring love and strengthen the family bonds. A haughty person should know that no one, even his wife and children like him or respect him. Imam Hassan Askari said:
Anyone who is humble towards his religious brethren in this world will be considered righteous by God, and is a true follower of Imam Ali. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.117].
Imam Sadiq has narrated his grandfathers as saying:
Signs of humbleness are to sit wherever there is room when you enter a family or public meeting, to greet anyone you visit, to avoid quarreling even if you are right, not to like to be admired for piety and righteousness. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.118-119]
When the Commander of the Faithful was about to pass away, he said:
I advise you to be humble as this is the best form of worship.[Ibid]
Kindness to Younger Ones and Respecting the Elders
Islam has instructed all men and women to be kind with the younger ones and respect the elders. The house must be a place to act upon the instructions of God, the Prophet and the Imams. Then you can prosper. It is a sin to get angry with, ignore, not kiss or not honor a promise given to a younger one. It is also a sin to disrespect the elders, give them a mean look, not fulfill their needs, or express that you get bored with them. We have brought the younger ones into this world, and we are responsible for them until they settle down. We should take care of them kindly. We have been raised by the elders, so we should respect them since we owe them a lot. When the Commander of the Faithful was about to pass away, he said:
Be kind with the young members of the family, and honor and respect the elders. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.136]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Respect the elders as this is equal to respecting God. [Ibid].
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Whoever is not kind to the younger ones, or does not respect the elders is not from my nation. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.137]
Hospitality
Some families are really strict about accepting guests. This is either a sign of laziness or a sign of jealousy. Hospitality has been a way of the Prophets and the Imams, and is an example of divine and righteous men. Jealousy or laziness are not proper, in whatever form. The husband, the wife, and the children should all treat their guests warmly. This action which is according to the ethics of God\'s saints will please God and ease our affairs, bring God’s Mercy and Favor, and cast away any catastrophes from the members of the family. Hospitality is so encouraged in Islam that we believe the guest brings in his daily bread, and the host is the guest of his guests. It is highly praised to encourage hospitality. This will improve our morality, and the opposite is inhumane and despised by God. The sixth Imam said: There are ten characters that make up nobility. Try to attain them all. One is hospitality. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, p.458]
Imam Sadiq has said: Whenever guests enter your house, they bring God\'s forgiveness for you and your household, and when they leave, they take away your sins and those of your wife. [Bihar al-Anwar, v.72, pp.459-460].
Imam Baqir said: Feeding four Muslims is equivalent to freeing a slave from the descendants of Ismael. [Ibid].
Therefore being just, kind, wishing the best, politeness, staying away from accusations, honoring one\'s oath, humbleness, being kind to younger ones, and respecting the elders, and hospitality are all the basis of nobility and cause prosperity in this world and the Hereafter.
Cause of Getting Ruined
Families should avoid the following issues, each of which is described in many traditions and the Quranic verses: Not talking, separating, accusing the innocent, quarreling, finding faults, and gossiping, causing quarrels, deceit, wastefulness, haughtiness, jealousy, following sinners, being a burden and hostility. Families should avoid the above, since they are sins, some of which are great sins and will ruin the family and cause misfortune. In addition to the Quran, you can find a discussion of these issues in books like Kafi, v.2, Vasa\'il, v.11, Shafi Fayz, Muhjat ul-Biyza, Jami al-Saadat Naraqi, and other moral or traditions books. These are beyond our scope.
Divorce and Inheritance
One of the things which angers God, the Almighty is divorce, [Vasa\'il, v.22, p.7]
Divorce is Despised
Divorce is not good. It is despised by God, the Prophet, and the Imams unless it is for a religiously acceptable reason. Divorcing based on the man or the woman\'s lust is immoral, inhumane, irreligious, and disrespectful to the other party. Here I shall discuss the most important tradition on divorce first, and then discuss the relevant Quranic verses and the conditions for divorce. In his book \"Sharh i-Mathnavi\", the great scholar Hajji Sabzevari has narrated the Immaculate Imams as saying the following: Nothing is more loved by God than freeing slaves, and nothing is more despised by God then separation and divorce. [Sharh-i-Mathnavi, p.142]. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
From among what is allowed by God, nothing is worse than divorce. [Vasa\'il, v.15, p.280]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
God does not like men and women who treat their spouses as toys and want to divorce. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.5, p.546]
Imam Baqir said:
Indeed God, the Almighty is angry with at whoever repeatedly divorces. [Vasa\'il, Al-i-Bayt Press, v.22, p.8]
Imam Sadiq said:
God likes a house in which there is a marriage, and despises one in which there is a divorce. [Vasa\'il, v.22, p.7]
The Prophet (Pbuh) asked someone what he had done to his wife. He said he divorced her. Then the Prophet asked him why? He asked if there were any flaws in her, or if she was ugly? The man answered yes. The man married again. The same sequence repeated over and over. Then the Prophet (Pbuh) said: God, the Almighty hates or damns any man, or woman, who repeatedly marries and gets divorced. [Vasa\'il, v.22, p.7]
Causes for Divorce
Divorce is allowed in cases when there exist conditions in the woman or the man which cannot be corrected for and make the continuation of the marriage difficult. In such cases, the couple and their relatives should not worsen the conditions, and not say any improper things. The problems that the couple have should not become a reason for them or others to commit other sins such as gossiping, accusing, belittling, etc. Such acts will only increase the hatred of the couple and their families, and will cause torture in the Hereafter.
It is unfortunate to say that whenever the issue of divorce comes up, the families start to gossip, make accusations, or express hatred, and many commit these sins. It may be that the woman is too difficult to live with because she does not attend to the needs of the family, or the man does not abide by the conditions which he has accepted at the time of the wedding, in which case the woman can ask for a divorce. If these conditions exist, the couple should respectfully get divorced without committing any sins. The families should not get involved, or commit any sins. I must mention two great sins which the families may commit early after divorce. Hopefully, by paying close attention to divine issues, sins will be avoided.
Gossip
The Quran states:
Nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...[Holy Quran: Hujurat: 49:12]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Gossip will ruin a Muslim\'s religion faster than food gets digested in his stomach [Vasa\'il, v.72, p.152]
He also said:
I admonish you against gossiping as it is worse than fornication [Bihar al-Anwar, V.75, p.222]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
On the Night of Ascension, I saw some people who were peeling off their skin of their face with their nails, I asked Gabriel who they were. He said they are the ones who gossiped. [Mizan al-Hikmat, v.7, pp.332-333].
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
God has forbidden gossiping, as he has forbidden harming a Muslim\'s property or life. [Ibid]. The Commander of the Faithful said:
Gossiping is a sign of hypocrisy.[Ibid]
He also said:
Gossiping about the good people is one of the most wicked acts.[Ibid]
The seventh Imam said:
One who gossips about his believing brothers is deprived of God’s Mercy [Bihar al-Anwar, V.77, p.117]
The Master of the Martyrs (Imam Husayn) told a man who was gossiping:
Protect yourself from gossip as it is the food for the dogs in the Hell [Bihar al-Anwar, v.78, p.117].
In fact, there is no reason to gossip about a lustful, oppressive ruler or one who is already an evil-doer. [Bihar al-Anwar, V.75, p.253]
The Commander of the Faithful has said:
One who listens to another who gossips is similar to one who gossips [Mizan al-Hikmat, V.7, p.352].
There is also a tradition from the Prophet (Pbuh) related to not listening to gossip:
God will protect whoever defends the honor of his Muslim brothers in front of one who gossips, from the Fire of Hell. [Mizan al-Hikmat , v.7, p.353].
Therefore the only thing that must be discussed in a divorce is divorce and nothing else. There should be no unjust talk since this will only cause you to go to Hell.
Accusations
There are times when the husband or the wife accuses the other one to justify the divorce. This may also be done by either family. This is a very wicked deed with a serious misfortune in the Hereafter. Imam Sadiq narrated a wise man as saying:
Accusing an innocent person is even heavier than tall mountains.[Vasa\'il, V.12, P.288]
Imam Reza has narrated his grandfathers as having quoted the Prophet (Pbuh) saying:
God will throw the one who accuses some innocent person, or ascribes something to someone without a justification into a fire in Hell until he proves what he has claimed.[Vasa\'il al-Shiaa ,V.12, P.288]
A Lesson
They asked a man who wanted to divorce his wife for the reason. He said it is forbidden to gossip about my wife. Then they got divorced, and the woman got married to someone else. Again they asked that man why he had divorced his wife. He replied it is forbidden to gossip about someone else’s wife.
Divorce as Viewed by Quran
It is better if the couple can resolve their problems themselves. If not, they should each chose a religious, wise, patient and smart representative to discuss their problems. Perhaps this way they can avoid a divorce.
If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; If they wish for peace, God will cause their reconciliation: for God hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.[Holy Quran: Nisaa: 4:35]
A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you, (men), to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by God.
If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by God, there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by God: So do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by God, such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).[Holy Quran: Baqara 2: 229]
When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their (\'Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage; if anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God\'s Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse God\'s favors on you, and the fact that he sent down to you the Book and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear God, and know that God is well acquainted with all things.[Holy Quran: Baqara 2:231]
Note that the Quran reminds us of the blessings, the Quran, God’s Infinite Knowledge and Wisdom when discussing divorce. This is so that justice is fully honored. It is obvious that divorce will not be mentioned in families which are religious and believe in God and the Hereafter, and are adorned with good morals and deeds. They will live together in peace forever and will raise their children with love and affection. The laziness, depressions, addiction, quitting education, and corruption of many of our children are rooted in the differences between their parents or their divorce. If we want this horrible dragon called divorce to disappear, then the man should not be oppressive, he must respect the rights of his wife and honor his obligations, and use humane and Islamic principles in treating his wife and children. The woman should perform her duties as a mother and wife, too. God dislikes divorce, and whoever is responsible for it will be questioned in the Hereafter.
We should try to reduce the statistics of divorce. We should stop sinning, flirting, and oppressing others so that there be no more divorce. The judicial system of the country should publish a leaflet outlining moral issues and stating the evil aspects of divorce. This should be handed out to those who wish to get divorced. Reading it may change their mind, and they may not return to separation. Their life may be re-established. It is better that widows as widowers not enter the society, since they may be corrupted by those whose faith is weak.
Termination of Life
Life is the place for action to achieve our aspirations. It is terminated by death which will transfer us to the Hereafter where we shall face the results of our deeds, beliefs, and ethics. The Quran asks both men and women to strive to put something aside for the Hereafter while they live.
And let every soul look to what (provision) he has sent forth for the morrow.[Holy Quran: Hashr 59:18]
A very important issue to consider is a good will and testament as to how to best spend one third of one\'s property. Each person can explicitly will what to be done with this portion of his property, and should choose a good person to carry out his will. All the Prophets, the Imams and the saints paid close attention to this issue and none passed away without a will. We have been instructed to leave a will by the Prophet (Pbuh) and the Immaculate Imams and by verse 180 by Baqara.
It is prescribed, when death approaches any of you, if he leave any goods, that he make a bequest to parents and next of kin, according to reasonable usage; this is due from the God-fearing. [Holy Quran: Baqara 2:180]
The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Every Muslim has the right to a will [Mizan al-Hikmat, V.10, pp.494-495]. He also said:
A Muslim should not sleep without a will [Ibid].
He also said:
Whoever passes away and has a will has died according to the traditions of God and His Prophet, and his death is based on virtue and martyrdom, and God\'s Forgiveness. [Ibid]
It is much better today for one to act upon his will before he dies since the laws are cumbersome and really bother the inheritors. One can do whatever he wants done after he died when he is still alive. He can spend his wealth and property in a good way , like providing for the means of marriage of his sons and daughters, paying for the expenses of the orphans, building schools, mosques, and housing for the poor, and he can get rewarded after he dies. Imam Ali has recommended this: O\' son of Adam, act upon your will regarding your own wealth and property, and do what you want done after you die now that you are alive. Anyway, try to leave lawfully earned property behind, since what is unlawfully earned cannot be inherited.
Do not will that more than one third of it to be spent as you wish, since this will not be effective. Divide the other two-thirds according to the Quran. This way none of the inheritors will be hurt. It is obligatory for the inheritors to act according to a will that is prepared according to the Holy Quran. Such an act is worship, and is rewarding for the one who has passed away, and the inheritors who act accordingly. The inheritors should pay off any business debts, alms, the nuptial gift of the wife, and personal debts or required pilgrimage expenses first. They cannot divide and use money which belongs to others, since this will result in God\'s Punishment. The share for the wife, the parents and the sons and daughters should strictly be considered according to the divine book. Otherwise, a breach of God\'s Limits has occurred which will deserve Divine Retribution.
Please consult the practical treatise of Muslim scholars regarding the division of inheritance, or go to visit an expert in Islamic jurisprudence. This way the soul of the one who has passed away will be pleased. The inheritors should remember that the person who has passed away has spent all his life working hard to run your lives, and he suffered much. He may have even made some fiscal sins, so do not forget him. Pray for him, fast for him, give charity, and do good deeds. Try to remember him and please his soul any time you can especially on the eve of Thursdays, the month of Ramazan and Rajab. This way your children too will learn to remember you after you die.
Go to visit their graves every once in a while since God will then grant their soul to become accustomed to you, then they may pray for you from Purgatory. I have a friend who said whenever he had a problem, he immediately went to Qum to visit the graves of his parents. He read the Fatihah chapter of the Quran, prayed and paid charity for them. Then he asked them to pray for him and he returns to Tehran. He has experienced that his parents’ prayers for him follow him and his problem gets resolved before sunset. It is not right to forget one\'s parents who spent all their life and energy to raise their children. Something should be done to help them be forgiven.
source : the Islamic Family Structure By Husayn Ansarian
