After describing the concept of marriage from Islamic point of view and the rituals prescribed in connection with it, let us now refer to the obligations which it imposes on the two parties. These obligations include financial and human responsibilities.
Financial responsibility
(Nafaqah)maintenance is a legal responsibility in the Islamic family system. Generally speaking it is of two kinds:
(1) Maintenance conditonal on the pecuniary condition of a person having a right to it: For example children have a right to maintenance against their father (or mother) or the aged parents who are unable to meet their expenses have a right against their children.
(2) Maintenance not conditional on the pecuniary condition of a person having a right to it, as wife is entitled to be maintained by her husband. Maintenance includes all necessary and conventional expenses. In the case of wife the husband is responsible to provide food, clothing, accommodation and all that is necessary for her comfort and running the household. Of course the financial competence of the husband is to be taken into consideration in the implementation of these responsibilities.
Maintenance of wife has the following distinctive features: The maintenance of the wife is technically a debt of first liability and its payment should be accorded top priority.
Her right to maintenance has an aspect of the right to demand, and it is not like maintenance of the first category mentioned above so that it may have only an aspect of a duty which if not performed for some time may lapse.
Maintenance of the wife is obligatory on the husband even if she is well‑off, whereas in the case of the children and the parents it is conditional on their being poor and financially unable to meet their personal requirements.
In case a husband, in spite of his financial competence, does not provide the necessities of life to his wife, it is a duty of the governmental authorities to order him to do so and , if necessary, pass a decree of separation.
Maintenance of Children and the Responsibility of Guardianship
With the birth of a child in a family new duties and responsibilities devolve on both the father and the mother. As the child is related to both, each one of them has to shoulder a responsibility commensurate with his and her natural, sentimental, and social conditions.
As the women have been naturally provided with a system of bearing and suckling the children, they, with the birth of every child, have to undergo for about three years the rigours of pregnancy, delivery and the upkeep of the new born. During pregnancy and nursing they have a special responsibility to look after the infant. It is evident that even after this period a child requires a constant care and correct physical and moral fostering. In most cases he cannot attain the required spiritual growth and physical and mental development except under the caressing care of the mother. It is mother's deep love and tender affection accompanied by her self‑sacrifice which responds to the requirements of the child and nurtures his natural talents and faculties. Mother's lap is the first institution where a child receives his education. The first few years of the life of the children are the most impressionable age during which the foundation of their personality is laid under the care of the mother. All spiritual, scientific, literary and social achievements are mostly the fruits of the first seeds sown by the mothers in the impressionable minds of their children. If mother has to bear such a stupendous responsibility of the care and basic training of the child, will it be reasonable to expect her to undertake lucrative jobs and outdoor work also on equal footing with man and to struggle for meeting the economic needs of the family? Will such an expectation not be an injustice to her? Or will it be proper to take off the responsibility of bringing up the children from her shoulders and ask her to earn her livelihood even during the lifetime of her husband?
Will it not be better that the means of living are provided to her in a respectable way and she is given an opportunity to devote her full time to the all‑round care of her child.
Will not this equitable division of work between husband and wife in a way commensurate with their physical and spiritual potentialities, be a more respectable method of meeting the family requirements?
Anyway, it is to be remembered that the question of maintenance, in the context of the family system in Islam, does not mean that woman is a parasite or that food, clothing, accommodation and other means of life are provided to her in consideration of her services to her husband. It is just a question of equitable division of work and duties based on the principle of joint efforts. That is why in case the husband is not competent to earn enough means of living; family sentiments and the spirit of cooperation demand that the wife should not spare any lawful effort in co‑operating with him in managing the affairs of their common life. A good deal of the instances of such co‑operation are seen in Islamic society, especially among the low‑income groups. Similarly it is not enough for the husband to provide merely the material means of life to his wife. In the absence of the spirit of sympathetic benevolence, joint effort and co‑operation the marital life will be but dull and dry.
It may be mentioned here that the husband being in‑charge of family affairs, bears a grave responsibility, which like other similar responsibilities requires a sort of self sacrifice. For example, in the case of the administration of a country the presidential position is not meant to meet the personal requirements of the president, but is designed to ensure the smooth administration of the national affairs. It is necessary to obey him mainly because he pays. attention to his responsibilities as well as to the duties and responsibilities of his aides. Hence if he exceeds his limits and wants to misuse his position, he will have no right to expect others to have any regard for him. In the case of family affairs also the husband has been given certain rights, for example the right of the guardianship of the children till they attain puberty and that of giving consent to the marriage of his virgin daughter in addition to some other rights in connection with the management of domestic affairs. But he has been entrusted with all these responsibilities only to ensure the smooth running of the family affairs and to prevent the dissolution of family structure. Hence if the husband violates the limits in any matter, his powers will be reduced and he will not have that influence which he should have if he plays his role properly.
Anyway, the principle, that the necessities of life are to be provided by the husband, is an important factor in bringing comfort to woman and relieving her of earning her livelihood. It gives her an opportunity to play her part in arranging the domestic affairs more effectively and comprehensively. The principle should not be construed to justify man's unrestrained domination over his wife and children.
Moral and human responsibilities
Besides such normal commitments as the financial responsibility of the husband and the joint efforts of the husband and wife to satisfy the sexual needs of each other in a lawful manner, there are certain other basic and important principles which deeply affect the marital life. In fact its success depends on their observation. They give a special charm and delightful character to the conjugal relations which otherwise have a material and dry form of give and take. In the Islamic teachings these principles have been summed up in the following two maxims:
(1) Mutual trust, the practical manifestation of it being the co‑operation between the husband and the wife in making their common life easy and smooth.
(2) Abstinence from everything that may disturb their mutual confidence.
According to the Islamic tradition the best wife is she who is sincerely affectionate and, according to the Islamic expression, wadud, that is one who co‑operates with her husband through the thick and thin of life and is helpful to him in all material and spiritual affairs. She should in no case add to his worries.
Divorce or Dissolution of Marriage
As pointed out in the previous pages marital life ought to begin with earnestness and should continue happily under the shadow of love, tolerance and self‑sacrifice. But practically speaking marriage contract and conjugal relations do not in all cases continue to exist till the end of life. In certain cases it becomes impossible for the two parties to live together in peace and harmony for various reasons such as the emergence of deep rooted differences and the like. In such circumstance there must be a suitable way of dissolving marriage legally, otherwise if the parties are forced to continue to live together, their life is likely to become unbearable, and in many cases the consequences may be most regrettable and even tragic. Anyway, it is evident that as marriage in itself is a social need, in certain circumstances its dissolution is also a social necessity. The social compulsions have forced even the Christians to frame and enforce laws concerning divorce, though their present religious book forbids it except in the case of unchastity and though their Church has for long opposed it vehemently. "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committed adultery". (Matthew, V:32).
Recently the divorce act has been passed even in Italy, which is the seat of the Pope.
Divorce in Islamic law
Dissolution of permanent marriage resulting in the end of all responsibilities of the husband and the wife in regard to the rights and obligations connected with it, is called divorce.
From the Islamic point of view the disintegration of family bond is very undesirable on principle. It is the worst and the most detestable act in the eyes of Allah.
The holy Prophet has said:
• "The most detestable thing before Allah is divorce".
• ”Allah likes most the house which is inhabited in the wake of marriage and dislikes most the house which is abandoned in the wake of separation".
In fact divorce may be regarded as an unpleasant and bitter pill which has to be taken in the case of need. Resort to it should not be made unnecessarily and for the sake of caprice. Islamic traditions have described unnecessary divorce as a cause of remoteness from the blessings of Allah. (Mustadrak al‑Wasail, vol. 3, p. 2).
Islam has suggested certain precautionary measures to ward off divorce as far as possible. For example:
• Much stress has been laid on the careful selection of wife.
• Repeated recommendations have been made to treat her well and connive at her minor mistakes which are common in life.
• Self‑control against sudden outbursts of rage and hasty actions.
• Formation of an internal family court to resolve the differences arising between husband and wife.
It is possible that the relations between the husband and the wife might sometimes become strained consequent on differences and scolding remarks. Islam suggests that in such cases a suitable way should be found at the earliest to resolve the differences and there should be no talk of separation so easily. All cases of strained relations are not such that we should be disappointed of the restoration of love and affection. In most cases it is possible to rectify the position.
Whenever it is not possible for the husband and wife to sort out their differences themselves, their case should be considered by a family court consisting of two arbiters, one selected from the family of the husband and the other from that of the wife. The arbiters should be sympathetic and experienced so that they may listen to the point of view of both the parties, and try to reconcile them.
In this respect the Qur'an says:
"If you fear a breach between the two (husband and wife, appoint an arbiter from his people and another from hers. If they desire amendment, Allah will Make them of one mind". (Surah al‑Nisa, 4:35).
Obviously an arbiter should be a trust worthy person, a good conversationalist and fit for making a just arbitration. The two arbiters are to be selected from among the members of the two families because as such they are expected to have a knowledge of the temperament of the husband and wife as well as of their domestic affairs; and also because they will normally be interested in settling their differences.
Effects of divorce
From the psychological, legal and social point of view, divorce produces varied effects, some of them being related to the husband and wife themselves and some of them to their families. If there are children, separation between their parents will affect their position also in many ways.
In view of these results, special conditions have been visualized for divorce so that it may be warded off as far as possible, for if it is taken easy, the future of children will certainly be threatened.
What should be the condition of a woman to be divorced
• Her periods must not be on.
• After the last sexual intercourse, she must have had her periods at least once.
• If the woman having been pregnant has been delivered of a child, her rest period after delivery (ceremonial purification from child birth) must have come to an end.
Of course if a woman is pregnant or does not menstruate, the above conditions do not apply to her. In cases other than these two, the question of divorce should be postponed till these conditions materialize.
Conditions of the effectiveness of divorce
Divorce is valid and operative only if the following conditions are fulfilled:
• The husband who divorces must be of mature age and must be possessed of understanding. Divorce pronounced by a minor, a lunatic or an idiot is invalid.
• The husband must be exercising his own free will. Divorce under compulsion is not valid.
• Presence of two witnesses.
According to the Shiah school of thought and as expressly mentioned in the Qur'an (second verse of Surah al‑Talaq), divorce must be pronounced in the presence of at least two trustworthy and righteous witnesses.
This condition automatically implies that two righteous persons should become aware of the decision of the spouses to dissolve marriage. In many cases their intervention and help may save the situation, and they may find a suitable way of reconciling the husband and wife. Further, their knowledge and presence may be helpful in settling financial and other questions and finding a most appropriate arrangement for looking after the children.
Kinds of divorce
After the enforcement of divorce it is possible to resume conjugal relations in some cases without contracting marriage anew. In some other cases a fresh marriage is required before the resumption of these relations. Hence divorce is of two kinds; revocable and irrevocable.
In the case of revocable divorce if the man regrets and wants to resume conjugal relations, the tie is automatically restored and there is no need of contracting marriage again, provided he revokes his act within the period of probation (iddah)which is normally three months.
In the case of irrevocable divorce it is not possible to resume conjugal relations in this way.
Kinds of irrevocable divorce
There are several kinds of irrevocable divorce.
(1) If the husband agrees to dissolve the marriage at the request of the wife, it is called khul'a.
(2) If the marriage is dissolved because both the husband and the wife have asked each other to terminate it, it is called mubarat, that is mutual release.
(3) The divorce pronounced by the husband on his own is regarded as irrevocable in the following circumstances:
(a) If the dissolution of marriage has been brought about before its consummation.
(b) If the divorcee is a girl whose periods have not commenced or an old woman who does not menstruate, because she has reached the age of menopause i.e. is no longer capable of bearing children.
(c) If the divorce has been pronounced for the third time.
In all these cases if the two parties decide to resume conjugal partnership, they should remarry, for the first marriage is no longer effective.
Notes:
(1) Remarriage with a woman, who has been divorced three times, by her former husband who divorced her is possible only on the condition that she is married to another man first and that such second marriage is terminated after consummation. (This condition precedent to reunion has been laid down to deter and discourage the people from taking the question of divorce too easy). (If divorces take place between the husband and wife time and again (till nine times) they cannot remarry under any circumstances. This restriction also ensures that as far as possible divorces on frivolous grounds may be avoided.)
(2) In the case of khula and mubarat reunion is possible only if the woman demands back what she had surrendered to the husband. Such demand must be made before the expiry of the period of probation.
In other cases if they are inclined to resume conjugal partnership, they should remarry in accordance with the conditions they agree to.
Iddah of divorce
In the case of separation between the husband and the wife an important question is to find out whether she is pregnant by her former husband To ascertain this point the Islamic law has laid down that during a period of probation the woman should not marry another person. This period is called iddah.
Period of Iddah
The period of iddah for a woman who is not pregnant is the period covered by three menstrual courses, which is normally about three months. The iddah of a pregnant woman is till she is delivered.
Rules regarding the period of iddah
During the period of iddah the woman cannot take a new husband, and nobody should make an offer of marriage to her. She is to be maintained by her former husband like a married woman.
In the case of revocable divorce if the husband or the wife dies during the period of probation, the survivor will inherit the deceased.
Right of guardianship of children
One of the important questions that crop up on the dissolution of marriage is that of the guardianship of the children which is called the right of hizanah.
The Islamic law gives the custody and care of the children in the early years of their life to the mother, even if the father is competent enough and willing to look after them. The limit for a boy is two years and for a girl seven years.
In case mother is not capable or fit to take care of the child, the responsibility of guardianship devolves on the father. In both the cases the father has to bear the expenses of the child. As the right of guardianship is recognized solely for the benefit of the infant, it should be in the custody of the person who can look after it the best. On this principle the Islamic law has given priority in the matter to the mother in the first years of the life of the child. If both the parents are unable to look after it, some other suitable arrangements should be made to ensure its welfare so that if the father and the mother agree, the infant may be given in the custody of a third person under whose guardianship it can, in their view, make proper physical and spiritual progress.
Sexual problem of the youth
There is no doubt that the sexual instinct should normally be guided in the direction of permanent marriage and formation of a family. But as all young men at the threshold of puberty and at the time of the outburst of sexual desire are not in a position to contract permanent marriage, they are often involved in perversion and sexual deviation.
In all human societies, of course with some variations, there are many young men and women who, under the impact of sexual urge and being deprived of the blessing of a spouse, waste their energies and talents and instead of concentrating on positive and constructive affairs run into perversion with bitter and unpleasant consequences for themselves as well as for the society. Thus very often the best period of their youth turns into the most bitter period of their life.
Solution of sexual problem
The Islamic teachings which do not ignore any natural desires and the different physical and mental faculties of the individuals and take into consideration all possible social needs, have realistically suggested a via media to solve this problem. The solution proposed by Islam is in conformity with the realities of life and at the same time saves society from an oppressive turmoil which may throw
the family system into disarray. In view of the fact that sexual urge is one of the most irresistible desires of the individual, it is evident that, if a right and lawful way to satisfy it is not found, corruption and perversion are inevitable. The Islamic teachings have shown a practical way to resist passions, to keep away from the external forces, stimulating sex and to use the physical and mental faculties in a constructive way commensurate with human life. In view of the fact that everybody has not the power to resist passions and that such resistance sometimes produces undesirable effects, Islam has given a lot of instructions to facilitate marriage, such as those regarding lessening dower, keeping the marriage expenses to the minimum and avoiding unnecessary ceremonies. Thus it has removed many hurdles. Even the students and apprentices before they are self‑supporting can contract marriage in a simple manner and need not wait till they are 3 0 or 3 5 years old when they complete their higher education or specialize in a particular branch of learning. At this age they usually lose the fervour of the youth and marry simply to get rid of suspense and unsettled life.
Further, with a view to solve the sex problem in the cases where man and woman or boy and girl find no way to permanent marriage, the law of Islam has suggested a sort of non‑permanent marriage, called mut`ah.
In this kind of marriage the aim is not to form a family. It is only to have legal sexual relations during a period mutually agreed. That is why the agreement in this respect should be very clear and definite.
Formula of fixed‑time marriage
The formula is actually a text of the agreement concluded between the parties. It is usually pronounced in Arabic.
The woman says:
Zawwajtoka nafsi fil muddatil ma'loomati alas sidaaqil ma `loom
And the man says: `Qabiltu'' Or for example the woman says in English: "I gave myself in marriage to you for the period (as fixed) for the dower (as fixed)" and the man says: "I accepted".
It is to be remembered that the children begotten out of this non‑permanent wedlock enjoy all the rights and privileges of the children of the permanent marriage and in this respect the family system of Islam presents no problem.
Contrary to the conception of those who hold that the legalization of non‑permanent marriage may give currency to free and unlimited relations and thus promote immorality, this scheme is an effective factor in checking debauchery and the consequent disruption of the families. It may be seen in practice that consequent on the confining of legal marriage to the permanent union only and ignoring other individual and social needs, free sexual relations, with all their undesirable effects, exist with some variation in all societies. Those who criticize this sort of marriage, have practically put and are still putting it into practice in some other way. (For details a reference may be made to "The Shia' ‑ Origin and Faith", ISP, 1982).
Now let us see what is the difference in the rules of the permanent and fixed‑time marriages.
Rules of fixed‑time marriage
Besides the specification of the period of marriage and the amount of dower, there are certain other rules in regard to fixed‑time marriage which may be noted:
(1) As the main aim of this kind of marriage is not the formation of a permanent family and shouldering the onerous responsibility of rearing up children, each of the parties can take steps to prevent the birth of a child, whereas in the case of permanent marriage that is possible only by the mutual agreement of the husband and wife.
(2) If a child is born from fixed‑time wedlock, the man is responsible to maintain him and provide enough means for his bringing up.
(3) In the case of fixed‑time marriage the husband is not responsible to maintain his wife, unless there is an agreement in this respect.
(4) In this sort of marriage the husband and the wife do not inherit each other.
(5) The rule regarding the prohibition of establishing sexual relations with others during the period of contract is the same as in the case of permanent marriage.
(6) After the expiry of the period' of contract the husband and the wife are automatically separated and there is no need of divorce. Iddah will be imposed only if there has been consummation. It has been ordained with a view to ascertain the paternity of the child that may be born after the termination of marriage. The period of probation in this case is the period covered by two menstrual courses, that is about 2/3 of the iddah of the permanent marriage.
(7) In this sort of marriage, the man and the woman may stipulate a condition that their sexual relations will be of limited nature, and, for example, they will not have intercourse. The man is obligated to abide by the condition agreed upon. Hence such a marriage can be useful during the period of engagement and may be a sort of courtship and trial without a feeling of sin before contracting a permanent marriage.
Anyhow, even in this sort of marriage the wife can stipulate at the time of contracting marriage that she will be entitled to any or all the benefits to which a wife is entitled in case of permanent marriage.
Basic differences between permanent and fixed‑time marriages If we go through the rules of the fixed‑time marriage we can observe that it differs from the permanent marriage in the following points:
In this marriage the responsibilities which normally go with the formation of a family do not exist. The husband is not required to provide the means of living of his fixed‑time spouse or to bear the expenses of her daily life.
Each of the parties can take contraceptive measures. In the case of permanent marriage birth control can be resorted to only with the consent of both the parties.
There is no moral or legal difficulty in separation at the termination of this marriage, whereas in the case of divorce after contracting permanent marriage there is usually a feeling of anxiety about the future of the other party or of the children.
This kind of union being lawful, there should be no feeling of sin, no twinge of guilt and no conscience prick. That is not the case with illicit relations.
In the case of the possible birth of a child the responsibility to be borne by the husband is clear.
After separation the woman cannot remarry within the period of probation if consummation has taken place.
Fixed‑time marriage prevents free sexual relationship and guards against immorality and unchastity.
If we go into these points, it will be clear that Islam has introduced a reasonable and ingenuous method of meeting the problem. This method is still a part of the Shia'h canon law.
Fixed‑time marriage from the point of view of others
Those who have looked at this question from a realistic angle, admit that a sort of non‑permanent marriage is a reasonable and scientific way of lessening the pressure of sexual urge and preventing it from flowing into a dangerous course. It also saves one from the mental distress caused by a feeling of committing a sin and digressing from the moral principles and legal provisions.
Fixed‑time marriage has attracted the attention of a number of Western thinkers. The well‑known British philosopher of the 20th century, Bertrand Russell, says: Can the young persons be told to be ascetic and monkish? Is there any assurance that in spite of having free and unlimited sexual relations these young persons will ‑be chaste and faithful after they choose a spouse and marry? Can the increase of the illegitimate children and their impact on the general conditions of the society be overlooked?
How can this problem be solved? What solution does social experience suggest? Note what the same thinker adds: Judge Lindsey who served for a long time at the Denver Court of justice had an ample opportunity to observe facts. He proposed that there should be an arrangement called companionate marriage. Unfortunately he had to lose his official job, because it was observed that he was interested in the well‑being of the youth rather than creating a sense of sin in them. The Catholics and the Ku‑Klux Klan left no stone unturned to secure his dismissal. Lindsey noticed that the basic problem of marriage was lack of money. Money is required not only on account of possible children, but also because it is not proper that women should provide means of living. As such he concludes that young persons should resort to companionate marriage which is different from normal marriage in three ways:
Firstly, this marriage does not aim at producing progeny. Secondly, so long as the wife does not conceive and does not give birth to a child, divorce will be available with the consent of the parties.
Thirdly, in the case of divorce the wife will be entitled to alimony.
There can be no doubt about the effectiveness of the Lindsey proposal. Had the law accepted it, it would have had great impact on the improvement of morals.
Polygamy
Polygamy or plurality of wives is one of the controversial questions connected with the family system of Islam. In this connection a few points are worth consideration:
(a) Natural and social pre‑requisites of polygamy
It is evident that the question of polygamy arises when:
• The number of women eligible for marriage is more than the number of marriageable men.
• There are women who are willingly prepared to marry a man already having a wife and consider such a marriage to be in their interest.
Hence the question of polygamy does not arise firstly if the number of marriageable women is less than that of eligible men and secondly if the women are unwilling to marry a man having another wife. Now let us see in the case of the existence of the two conditions mentioned above, as to what can be the most reasonable and practical way of preserving the family system and safeguarding the interests of such women.
Here another question arises and that in itself is worthy of taking into consideration. It is the question of the disparity between men and women in the age of fecundity which has two aspects;
(1) Marriage age or puberty mostly commences earlier in girls than in boys.
(2) The power of procreation of women cease at a certain age, after which they become pregnant in very rare cases, whereas there is no such fixed age for men.
(b) Polygamy before Islam
It should be remembered that the custom of polygamy existed before the advent of Islam among the Jews, the Arabs, the Persians and many other peoples of the world. All that Islam has done is that it has restricted it.
During the Middle Ages it was propagated in Europe that the practice of polygamy was first introduced by Islam. Will Durant has denied this charge. He in his book, History of Civilization (vol. I p. 61), says:
The clerics in the Middle Ages thought that polygamy was an innovation of the Prophet of Islam. But that is not the case. As we have seen, it has been practiced in most of the primitive societies.
Without paying attention to its natural or social causes the Europeans over many centuries tried to describe polygamy as a big weakness of the Islamic teachings. At last some scholars exploded this myth and showed how topsy turvy is the picture painted of this custom and how unjust is its attribution to Islam.
The French historian Gustave Le Bon in his book, says:
In Europe no Eastern custom has been so much criticized as polygamy and Europe has also not gone so wrong about any usage as about it. The European writers have considered polygamy to be the foundation of Islam and have described it as the root cause of the spread of this religion as well as of the decline of the Eastern people. If the readers of this book cast off their European prejudice for a while, they will admit that polygamy is a good custom as far as the social system of the East is concerned. It has enabled the people by whom it is practiced to strengthen and invigorate their family relations. Thanks to this custom the woman enjoys more respect in the East than in the West. Before adducing our arguments to prove what we say, we have to mention that polygamy has not been first introduced by Islam, for this custom was prevalent among the pre‑Islamic people of the East, including the Jews, the Persians, the Arabs etc. Even in the Western countries, though the climate of none of them is conducive to such a custom, monogamy is a thing which is found only in the legal books. I do not think that it can be denied that in actual practice monogamy does not exist in our society. I wonder how and why the legalized polygamy of the East is inferior to the clandestine polygamy of the West. (Tamaddun‑i Islam wa Arab).
Polygamy and its conditions in Islam
Islam allows polygamy on three basic conditions:
(1) Preservation of the purity and cordiality of family life so that it may not become the cause of disruption of the family affairs.
(2) Number of wives not to exceed four.
(3) Equitable treatment of all the wives.
Now let us see what the Qur'an says in this respect: `Marry women of your liking, two, three or four, and if you fear that you shall not deal justly with so many then (marry) only one". (Surah al‑Nisa, 4:3).
As we have mentioned earlier, prior to Islam there existed no limit as to the number of ‑wives. It was Islam which restricted it and prevented the formation of harems found in the lives of the wealthy persons, rulers and sultans.
Furthermore, Islam has emphasized that taking advantage of this permission is conditional on the observance of complete equitability between the wives. This precondition requires the presence of a special spirit in the man. If he lacks it, he is .not allowed to take more than one wife.
In the end, it is to be pointed out that the basic objective of conjugal life in Islam being the contentedness of the family members and mutual love and benevolence of the husband and wife, the best and the most satisfactory form of marriage is naturally monogamy. Hence the men should avail themselves of the permission of polygamy only in very exceptional circumstances and that too on the condition that they find themselves competent enough to satisfy all the material and moral needs of their wives and treat them equitably.
Family Manners
The holy Prophet has said:
"The best men among you are those who are the best husbands of their wives". (Man la yahauruhul Faqih).
The best of your women are those:
• Who are loving and kindly;
• Who look after their chastity;
• Who are not arrogant or disobedient to their husband:
• Who are faithful to their husbands in their absence. (Wasail al Shia'h vol. 14, p. 14).
Imam Ali (P) has said:
• "Be kind to your wife and 'treat her well. Kindness will change her for the better, will keep her satisfied and will preserve her health and beauty".
• "Do not stop your wife from spending and being generous in the house. Do not be stingy in this respect".
• "By your chastity protect your wife from casting an evil eye on others stealthily and entertaining an idea of sin".
• "Your behavior to her should be such that she may not think of unlawful means to satisfy her lawful
desires".
• "Do not behave towards her in such a way that she may notice when you are despondent and sexually
exhausted". (al‑Kafi, vol. 5, p. 51).
Some reciprocal responsibilities of parents and children
The parents and the children have reciprocal rights and responsibilities so that if either of them fails to recognize those responsibilities or to discharge them he is unjust or technically speaking Aaq vis‑a‑vis the other.
The Prophet and his family have pointed out that just as a disobedient and irreverent child is guilty of a crime, similarly negligent and careless parents are also atrocious and wicked.
In the capacity of being the first guardians of their children the parents should be careful of their own conduct and behavior so that they may not set a bad example to them. They must be very cautious, for their behavior is bound to have a direct effect on the formation of the habits and character of their children.
To the best of their ability and social consciousness they must do their utmost to promote and nurture the talents of their children and should not hesitate to make sacrifice for teaching and educating them, because that is one of the most effective ways of bringing them up.
They should bring up their children as dignified and self‑respecting persons and not as cowards who may acquiesce in every insult.
The parents should ensure that their children become physically and spiritually strong. The children should be provided a sound atmosphere where they attain a healthy physical growth and receive correct moral training.
The Qur'an, laying stress on the rights of the parents, says:
"Your Lord has ordained that you worship none save Him and that you show kindness to parents ". (Surah Bani Israel, 17:23).
Again it says: "We have enjoined on man kindness to parents". (Surah al‑Ankabut, 29:8).
In connection with the behavior towards children it has been recommended that a promise made to them should be scrupulously fulfilled.
The holy Prophet has said:
• "If anyone of you makes a promise to his child he must fulfill it".
• "Treat your children equally in the matter of presenting gifts to them".
