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Monday 19th of August 2019
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As it is Wajib to fulfill the rights of the parents

honour. Numerous traditions have been recorded from the Ahlul-bayt (a.s.)

1) One must not address the parents by their names. However, they can be addressed by their title or kunniyat.

2) One must not precede them while walking, nor should one sit down before them.

3) While having meals one should not begin before the parents. Hazrat Imam Zainul Abedeen (a.s.) did not have meals with his mother for the fear that he may pick a morsel which she intended to.

4) One must never sit with one's back to our parents in a gathering.

5) While speaking, one's voice should not rise above the voice of one's parents.

6) One should not do anything that would cause the parents to become a butt of criticism. We must not insult the parents of others, or they would insult our parents in retaliation.

7) Hazrat Sajjad (a.s.) saw a young man walking on the street with the support of his father's hand. He was much displeased and did not even speak to the boy again.
(Al Kafi)

It is the unanimous opinion of the jurists that 'Ahsan' of parents means refraining from everything that displeases them.

The following actions are considered disrespectful:
1) Not providing them with the necessities, thus compelling them to beg for them.

2) Not inviting them to a function where others have been invited.

3) Not getting presents for them from a site where one had been to, on a journey.

All the above acts are Haraam. In addition, the jurists also consider the following actions Haraam: -
1) To turn away from the parents with disdain.
2) To sit with one's back towards the parents.
3) To speak in a voice louder than the parents.
4) Walking ahead of the parents.

If any of them do not cause disrespect or displeasure, they are allowed. However, to refrain from them is 'mustahab'.

Rights of the Children Upon Their Parents

Just as it is Wajib for the children to respect, honour and fulfill the rights of their parents, it is incumbent upon the mother and the father to fulfill the rights, which the children have upon them. If the parents do not fulfill these rights, it would amount to Qate Rahmi (cutting off the relationships). Since children are the closest to parents it is a must to refrain from Qate Rahmi with them, and Qate Rahmi is a great sin, as would be described later.

Just as the children become 'Aaq-e-Waledain' by not complying with their duties, the parents also become 'Aaq' if they fail to perform their duties towards their children. Further, the parents should not impose unbearable commands upon the children such that the children are forced to find excuses for not obeying them and thus become 'Aaq'.

The parents should not ridicule their children for their actions. Rather the children must be corrected by constructive criticism. Ridicule makes the children stubborn and creates enmity between them and the parents. When the parents fail to fulfill the rights of the children, it induces the children to forsake the rights of the parents in retaliation. As a consequence, both the parents and the children are involved in a Greater Sin.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said:
"The parents are liable to be 'Aaq' in the same way as the children who do not fulfill the rights of the parents become involved in the sin of 'Uqooq' (plural of Aaq)."

It is therefore a solemn duty of the parents to behave kindly with their children and give them a good training and education. They should keep them under gentle control and must not do anything that would cause them to be 'Aaq'.

For example, the parents should overlook the minor faults of the children. They should appreciate insignificant favours and show happiness and gratitude for these favours which would encourage the child to further good actions. They should make the children aware that they wish them the best and pray for their happiness in the world and the Hereafter.

We will now put forward the rights of children upon their parents, as enunciated by educated jurists and propounded in the books of Islamic Law.

Maintenance of Children

It is Wajib upon the parents to bear the expenses of the children right from the time of their birth till they become independent, and in case of a daughter, till she gets married.

Arranging the Marriage

One of the most important duties of the father is to arrange for the marriage of the son when he attains maturity. In case of the daughter too the father must strive to find a good match for her. The parents cannot restrain their daughter from matrimony. The Holy Quran states clearly:
"...then do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree among themselves in a lawful manner."
(Surah Baqarah 2:232)

Religious Education and Training

Another important duty for the parents is to give a good education to their children. The parents must strive to instruct the children with regard to the fundamentals of Islamic faith. The seriousness and significance of observing the laws of Shariat should be inculcated in the children, and no leniency must be shown if the religious laws are not strictly followed. However, the aspect of Amr bil Maroof and Nahy Anil Munkar must be kept in mind. The details regarding the same shall be explained in the chapter of Amr bil Maroof (enjoining good) and Nahy Anil Munkar (forbidding evil).

Various traditions stress upon the duty of the parents to shower their love and affection upon the children. A few of these are quoted below.

Love and Affection For the Children

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said:
"Be affectionate to your children and have mercy upon them. When you promise them something, fulfill your promise because the children repose hope only in the parents. When a promise is not fulfilled, it causes dissatisfaction and strains relationships. Certainly Allah is most wrathful when the women and children are disheartened."

Kissing the Children

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has told that when a person kisses his child, a good deed is recorded in his Nama-e-Aamal (Scroll of deeds).

Daughters Are More Deserving of Kindness

The parents have been ordered to be more kind towards the daughters. It is mustahab that when a father brings something for the children he must first offer it to the daughter; especially the one who is named Fatima.

If the children oppose the parents, they must never be abused or reviled. The curses of the parents cause an increase in the misery of the children.

Spiritual Fathers Are More Qualified For Kindness

Whatever has been mentioned till now concerns the biological parents; however the spiritual fathers or the guides of humanity are Hazrat Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) and his Purified Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). All of us are spiritually related to them. In every circumstance their followers can be enriched by virtues and get protection from calamities. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has informed, "I and Ali (both) are the fathers of this Ummat." The spiritual fathers are superior to the biological parents in a manner that the soul is superior to the physical body. Similarly the punishment of the 'Aaq' of the spiritual fathers is much more severe than that of the 'Aaq' of ordinary parents.

High Rewards and More Punishment

The rewards for kindness to the spiritual father is a thousand times more than kindness to the real parents. In the same way the 'Aaq' of a spiritual father is far more severely punishable, i.e., Heaven is prohibited for the person who disobeys the spiritual father, and none of his deeds are accepted even if he prays in the nights and fasts during the day. The punishment for those who do not acknowledge the Wilayat of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) is more severe because the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) are the real spiritual fathers. It would be wrong to consider all the Quranic verses and traditions in connection with Uqooq-e-Waledain to be restricted to biological parents. The Holy Quran and hadith are unanimous in declaring that the commands for Uqooq-e-Waledain apply equally and more stringently to the spiritual as well as biological parents. The ultimate argument in this connection is the Quranic verse wherein Allah has ordered obedience towards the parents along with His own worship.

"Be grateful to Me and both your parents."
(Surah Luqman 31:14)

"And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents."
(Surah Bani Israel 17:23)

A similar reference to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) and the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) is to be found in the chapter of Sileh Rahem. Two traditions are reported from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)

The first tradition is when Umroo bin Yazid enquired about the meaning of the following Ayat of Surah Raad:
"And those who join that which Allah has bidden to be joined and have awe of their Lord and fear the evil reckoning."
(Surah Raad 13:21)

The next tradition is concerned with the tafsir of the same 'Ayat'. It says that the above Ayat has been revealed about the Sileh Rahem to Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) and the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), the close relatives of the Momin being included in it. The tradition further says,
"And do not be of those who restrict the Ayat to some particular personalities. But whenever you hear of a verse regarding a kind of people you must consider it to be applicable to the other people of the same kind."

The Uqooq of Spiritual Fathers

The Uqooq of the spiritual fathers means to disobey their commands and to be heedless of their orders. To sever relationships with them in this world by not acknowledging their leadership. Imam Reza (a.s.) asked,
"Won't you feel bad if your parents are displeased and say that you are not their child?"

Those who were present answered, "Yes". Imam (a.s.) continued,
"The spiritual parents are superior to your biological parents. Do not give them an opportunity to say this. Rather consider yourself lucky be to their son or daughter." 

Breaking up relations

The seventh Greater Sin is the breaking up of relations with one's kith and kin. This is clearly verified by Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) as well as Imam Musa al-Kazim (a.s.), Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) and Imam Muhammad al-Taqi (a.s.). The Quran has also decreed Hell-fire and the curse of Allah upon those who cut off ties with their relatives.

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says:
"Beware of those who cut off relations because I have found them cursed thrice in the Quran."

1) Surah Baqarah, Ayat No.27
Whoever break the covenant of Allah after its confirmation and cut asunder what Allah has ordered to be joined, and make mischief in the land, these it is that are the losers.

In the Quranic terminology when the word Khaasir (loser) is used it denotes the one who is to be in loss, or rather the one who is cursed.

2) Surah Raad, Ayat No.25
And those who break the covenant of Allah after its confirmation and cut asunder which Allah has ordered to be joined and make mischief in the land; (as for) those, upon them shall be curse and they shall have the evil (issue) of the abode.

3) Surah Muhammad, Ayat No.22-23
But if you held command, you were sure to make mischief in the land and cut off the ties of kinship. Those it is whom Allah has cursed, so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes.

The Denouncement of "Cutting Off Kinship Ties" in the Traditions

Numerous traditions have reached us in this regard. A few of these reports are quoted here:
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) states:
There is destruction in enmity, especially with the relatives. I do not mean the destruction of the law but rather the destruction of the religion. (Enmity among people not only harms the hair and the body, but it also destroys one's religion).
(Al Kafi, Chapter of Qate-Rahem)

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says:
"Protect yourself from 'Haliqa' for it destroys the people." The narrator asked "What is 'Haliqa'", Imam replied, "To sever relations."

The Worst Deed in the Eyes of Allah

A man approached the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) and enquired, "What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?"

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) replied,
"To attribute partners to Allah."
The man then asked, "After this which is the worst sin?"

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said:
"To sever relations".

After this the same person asked, "After this which is the worst sin?"

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) replied:
"To enjoin the evil and to forbid the good (deeds)."
(Al Kafi)

Goodness in Return of Ill-Treatment

A man complained to Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) about his relatives. Imam (a.s.) said,
"Swallow your anger and behave nicely with your relatives."

The man said, "My relatives give me all sorts of troubles and there is hardly any cruelty they have not committed upon me." The Imam (a.s.) told him,
"Do you also want to cut off relation with them? If you also become like them, then Allah will never have mercy for you."

Allama Majlisi (r.a.) says, "If one behaves kindly to the relatives who are bad, they would at one time or the other regret their behaviour. Then the Mercy of Allah will be upon both of them. If the ill-behaved relatives do not rectify their ways then at least the Mercy of Allah will be upon the one who continues kindness to them (the relatives).

It is very clear to us that we must not sever relations even with those relatives who are unkind to us and who want to cut off the relationships.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says:
"Do not sever relation with your kindered even if they cut off relations with you."
(Al Kafi)

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) states:
"There are three sins whose punishment has to be borne in this world itself:-
The first is injustice, the second is breaking of relationships and the third is false oath."
(Al Kafi)

Life is Shortened

Hazrat Ali (a.s.) says in one of his sermons: -
"I seek refuge from the sins which cause the hastening of death."

Someone asked him, "Maula, Is there any sin by which the death is hastened?" He replied,
"Yes, the breaking up of the family ties."

Families who live with co-operation and care for each other are given increase in sustenance by Allah and those who remain divided and are aloof from each other, Allah removes the bounty from their sustenance and their lifespan shortens even if they are all pious (in other respects).

Death Due to Qat-e-Rahmi

A companion of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) complained about the ill-treatment given to him by his relatives,
"My own brother as well as my paternal cousins are harassing me. They have snatched the house that rightfully belonged to me and have given me only a room to live in. If I complain to the government, I shall be able to recover all my property.

Imam (a.s.) said,
"Be patient, everything will be alright."

The man returned satisfied. In the year 131 A.H. there was a terrible plague. All the relatives of the man perished. Thereafter when he arrived before Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.), he (Imam a.s.) asked,
"How are your relatives?"

The man said, "By Allah all of them are dead." The Imam (a.s.) said,
"Their deaths have been due to their ill-treatment and Qat-e-Rahmi of relatives like you, not recognizing your right and cutting off relationships."

Bereft of Divine Mercy

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) relates from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) that he said:
"When people claim to possess knowledge but do not act upon it, when they claim to profess love but harbour malice in their hearts and sever relations, in such a condition Allah removes mercy from them and makes them undiscerning to logic.
(Behaarul Anwaar)

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says:
"Among the various sins, injustice and cutting off relationships are such that one who commits these is punished in this world itself. Apart from this the punishment for these sinners has already been prepared in the Hereafter."
(Mustadrak)

At another occasion the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has informed:
"One who severs relationships will not enter Heaven."

Jabir Ibne Abdullah Ansari (r.a.) has related from Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) that he quotes the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) as follows:
"Jibraeel (a.s.) has informed me that even at a distance of a thousand years man will be able to smell the fragrance of Heaven , but one who disobeys his parents, the one who breaks ties with the kith and kin, or the aged adulterer will not be able to smell it. In fact, the fragrance of Paradise will be felt even at a distance of two thousand years, but not by those who disobey their parents and those who break ties with the relatives."

The exalted Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.s.) has also informed that the invocation of the person who breaks family ties shall not be answered. "In the chapter on the merits of Shab-e-Qadr the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has stated that in the night of Qadr Allah forgives the sins of all the people except of those who drink wine, who disobey their parents, and those who break ties with the relatives or harbour enmity towards the believers."

Kindness to Relatives is Obligatory

The Almighty Allah says in the Quran:
"...and be cautious of (your duty to) Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship;"
(Surah Nisa 4:1)

According to Imam al-Baqir (a.s.), the notable point in this verse is that the fear of Allah is mentioned alongwith the fear one should have about breaking relations with kith and kin.

In the book Al Kafi there is a tradition from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.). He says:
"The relatives in this Ayat, include all, and not only the nearest ones. Certainly Allah has ordered kindness towards all the relatives. Allah has given so much importance to this deed that he mentions it with his exalted name."

Kindness to Relatives is Commanded in the Same Way as Namaz and Zakat

It is related from Imam Ali-ar-Reza (a.s.):
"Allah has ordered three things along with three others, in the glorious Quran:
1) Namaz is ordered along with Zakat. If one offers Namaz but does not pay Zakat (when it is due upon him) then his Namaz will not be accepted.

2) Allah has ordered thankfulness to Himself along with the thankfulness to one's parents. If one is not grateful to one's parents it is as if he has not been grateful to Allah.

3) Allah has ordered piety along with kindness to ones kith and kin. Then one who is not kind towards the relatives is not pious."

 

 


source : GREATER SINS\Shaheede Mehraab Ayatullah-ul-Uzma Al-Haaj Sayed Abdul Husain Dastghaib Shirazi (r.a.)
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